Inadequate

April disappeared quickly. Suddenly it's May. I haven't achieved anything, and a whole month just slipped by.

My one day off and I spend it in bed, watching Glee, 2 Broke Girls, New Girl, Awkward and Dawson's Creek. I have so much to do but escaping the comfort of my bed is difficult. There are builders making all sorts of racket beneath my window so if anything will get me out of bed today, it will be that.

Where's life gone? I try to reach out and grab it but something is always in the way, pulling me back or pushing life away, Today, it's 'inevitability'.

I actually have an idea. A writing idea, a potential script. I don't know when I'll be able to transfer it from my brain to paper though. Today certainly doesn't look likely.

Can someone be my personal assistant, and just help me through the next few months?

I'm fighting to control of my life and control of all the people who 'work for me'. I can only do well at one at a time, it seems. Yet another juggling act I'm trying to teach myself.


I'm missing the one in Japan a lot. She helps clear my mind, and always helped me do little things, like eating well, going to the gym, little things that make the day seem better. I need to be able to do that for myself now; I just can't find the motivation.

I don't know where I ended and this numb person took over.

And today, I can't think of an adequate title for this post. Like Al's theory about naming a script, I feel like I should delete the whole post through lack of ability to name it.

Instead, I choose a word which reflects myself, at life, at my job, and everything around me at the moment.

True Love

I've started watching Dawson's Creek again. Season 3, I started with. Mainly because I couldn't remember the end of season 2 and now, I can't stop. It's when Pacey falls for Joey and by the end of the season she's fallen for him too. The story pans out so well and I want to capture every moment of it.

This is the result of having no life of my own, very little in the way of a social life, and absolutely no hope of being in a relationship for the next 8 months. Life is full-speed and my heart is getting left behind.

But in the back of my mind, I'm quoting Maria - This To Shall Pass. Also the idea of 'what dreams may come' - not in the literal sense of the soliloquy (this is not to be misinterpreted as a suicide note. Can't deal with that again) - but in the sense that of all the dreams and ambitions we have, which ones will manifest, which ones will be lost, and which ones are more reachable than we realise?

It's all about hope, patience, and trust in the universe.

That's how Pacey got Joey. That, a big white wall, and a boat.