Autumm

Clear blue, cold and open,
A season of change,
the days pulls in,
and colder still,
the blankets warm my white toes,
the morning post-shower shudders.
But beautiful misty mornings,
slow suns rise over each cold night,
brighten the future, warm the hope,
and yet the mist is lingering,
hazy sunlight, morning or afternoon?
time becomes untraceable, unreadable.
These days we spend, we live at night,
work waiting on friends, drink when bars shut,
and sleep, but never enough.
Caffeine and cigarettes, still not enough.
Cold air slips through single pane windows,
the air catches in my lungs:
it tastes of you; it smells of you.
morning coffee stays on my breath all day,
last night's second-hand smoke still stains my sweater.
But to disappear into stories,
fold away my worries,
pack up all thoughts,
and become that character, that voice, that ideal.
I've forgotten who Laura is, or who she should be -
it's easier to focus on Lily.

Newms

I had another dream about you last night. I feels funny sometimes, because I wake up thinking that you've been there too, and if I text you asking about it, you'd somehow just know exactly what I was talking about.

We were sat in a cafe, it looked a little bit like the lemon tree but it wasn't, I was just a customer.
You ordered a knickerbocker glory. It was fantastic. We were laughing about things, everything felt really normal. Other people were in the cafe. Then Henry came in, in his dressing gown, and sat next to you, and you were discussing a film you wanted to go see. And in my head, I was like 'yeah, they'd actually make sense as a couple'. And then a lady got up from a table nearby and came over to me and was like, "hi, we met the other day?" - it was Bre, the girl who lives next to the Lemon Tree, so I got excited, said I really wanted to hire her, and told her that I'd actually been telling my flat mate how much she seemed to be the perfect person for the job. She then decided to go and hug said flat mate, even though he was wearing a dressing gown in a cafe, and she thanked him, and he didn't understand what was going on, but she smiled and left. I felt really relieved to have spoken to her; a weight just dropped off me.

I told you to come live with us until you got your feet on the ground, to which you said maybe. And we planned to make a vegetable lasagne, and Henry asked why vegetable, and you just said 'because my vegetarian lasagnes are the best in the world'. And right there, it felt like home.


It's funny how things change. I used to wake up from your dreams with this heaviness, this sense of guilt. Today, it was more like clarity, like you'd fixed something in my head. Thank you.