It's an impossible situation I've gotten myself into.
I hate when he's not around for any length of time, yet when I'm alone in a room with him I just can't focus on anything. Like, there's a third conversation happening, apart from the one between us and the one on the tv screen, there's also this voice that reminds me to look at him, wonders stupid things like if his beard smells like cigarettes, or what his hair product feels like. And that voice is more audible when I'm drunk, so frequenting the pub certainly doesn't help.
I think I'm addicted. But to what? To something in my head? Or just to him as a person? Is the crave for more, or is the crave just to feel connected in some way?
I'm thinking about the next few months. I wonder, would it be best if I moved to framlingham? The flat is more than likely going to be empty. Its a big decision and it all sort of hangs on how things shape in the next few days.
And yet again, the fun kick of the inferiority complex kicks in. I know its an 8 year old record, but Lucy sure made her way around the local boys. If its not Thomson or Smithy or Barnaby, its Henry.
Christ I miss Sam.