I've realised how much I dislike cities. When first moving to Southampton, I never thought of it as 'moving to the city', because uni is such a separate bubble, and every uni is based in or near a city anyway, so it was inevitable. Watching my sisters, however, is scary. I don't want to live in a big city like this. I didn't like London, I didn't like the idea of New York for more than a week - and I'm already wanting to say goodbye to Singapore. Nothing is relaxing. The most I've felt at home is sitting in a Starbucks. And it's not exactly hard to be here: everyone speaks English, I know the food, the MRT is simple and the city is easy to figure out, clean and safe. But still, my head is spinning as I glare at the concrete-gray skyline, each building mirroring the next in their sky-blue windows, 'close proximity' not defining the compactness well enough.
Most of all, I can't stand the busyness. The escalators move faster here, I'm sure of it. No one can stand still for longer than a second. The MRT is very busy all day long. They unashamedly stare at Westerners, and try sell us things in the next second. I've always been interested in the old Asian temples, the classic Chinese philosophies and the wondrous buildings, statues, Buddha shrines and all the fascinating history which far surpasses the Western world. But Singapore doesn't have these things. It feels like a city put together by Westerners, with a hope of seeming Asian. It's backwards and bizarre and yet, as the cleanest, safest and probably most advanced city in Asia, I can't enjoy myself here. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's the city. Maybe it's all the contrast with being in Australia. Maybe it's because of Helen. Who knows. Either way, I wouldn't want to call this place home.