Sunday 23 October 2011

Somewhere over the Rainbow

I used to want to be a rockstar, then I realised I couldn't sing.

I used to want to be an astronaut, but I failed physics a-level, monumentally, and thought 'fuck that dream'.

I used to want to be a teacher, but then I finished school, and I stopped having heroes and enemies trying to affect my life daily, and the dream's passion got detached.

I used to want to be a perfect girl, with everything in the world, picture-perfect boyfriend, good body, good talent, and a weird athletic hobby like playing polo or hockey. Some parts of me still long for certain things in the list, some parts of me have found happiness in what I've got, and a large part of me realised that those girls take it all for granted, are generally complete bitches or just have hollow skulls. So that dream set sail.

I once wanted to be a musician. But I never could afford the lessons.

I have always wanted to be someone, and I don't know when it is that I will feel that dream accomplished. At least I know that I'm close.

I used to want to be a boy. I don't know why. Now, after puberty, an all girl's school, and a very male friendship group at uni, I'm glad I'm a girl.

I never thought to myself "I want to write". I just did. I've always been able to pick up a pen, pencil or crayon and go a little bit mental. I've always loved books, mainly because they were a great escape when I was a kid. Now, I love books more because of the power that they can have. I want to write something one day that will change someone's life. I don't need a paycheck, a name on screen or a big hardback book with my name on it to feel like I've accomplished my chosen life's dream. One day, if a kid tells me that I helped them with something, or that they have been inspired to write, I'll have done it, and I'll find the next dream to follow.

Until then, my goals are pretty simple. Be happy, live life to the full, and follow the heart. My life is my own, and I intend to live it well.