I've lost my sense of self, of belonging, of passion and ambition. I have ambitions, and I remember what they are, but my mind does not react to motivation or success. Somehow I have drifted from one plane of existence into another, and here, looking back, I'm stuck on the wrong side. Oddly reflective of the story line in Fringe at the moment (beginning of series 3), I definitely feel like I'm in a parallel universe, and I cannot put my finger on what it is, but something is missing.
Strangely though, I feel like connections are constantly being made with my younger self, when I was in High School, and now. I'm not sure if its something I'm doing, or actually something about the juxtaposition of my life, but its quite noticeable. I can only push myself to be better than the person I was back then. She was pretty crap at most things.
Maybe I need to get out of this house. My mind needs a spring clean, something new and exciting, some air, some experience, some inspiration.
For now, I spend my free time watching Fringe, True Blood and re-watching How I Met Your Mother. Its all pretty simple, if you let it become simple, but I know deep down I don't want simplicity; I'm capable of much more than this, yet this is what I have become.
I wish this post was more positive. I wish I had something more positive to think about. God, this place is just sucking my soul away.