I'm reading about death, murder and fear a lot.
I'm watching everything apart from the three dvds that I've been meaning to watch for over a month.
I'm thinking about things to write, I'm feeling more positive about writing, I just need to get some done.
I'm in this bubble at the moment, where I go to work, I come home, I go to another work, I come home, and in the evening I have dvds, books, music and sometimes a friend or two to keep myself entertained with.
My life revolves purely around myself. I have become the independent, self-assured person who I wanted to be. But something still isn't right.
Is it because I know I'm waiting for things still? I'm waiting for the MA to start, I'm waiting for life to actually catch up with me half the time.
I'm waiting for my Mum to pay me. She owes me a LOT of money right now, and keeps putting off paying me. Its really annoying. I really want to put my money into my bank account and see my overdraft shrivel up in fear of my huge amounts of money. But no, my overdraft continues to point and laugh at my empty wallet, because my own mother needs to use my money, so has to wait until she's got more cash flow to pay me back. It could take a while.
I'm turning my laptop into more of a desktop. I'm putting every piece of music possible on it, I'm leaving it in my study (from now on, the only entertaining thing that happens in my bedroom is reading. How dull.) I'm doing this because I'm making space and neccesity in my life for a new laptop. A small, powerful, genius little thing I can take to uni with me. I can watch things at night and it won't overheat and die. I can go to a cafe or a library and just whip it out, like a book, and boom, its easy and fun and helps me work more. This thing, classy as it is, is too old, too dusty, too slow and just way too heavy. I have to catch the bus from the park and ride into uni, so the laptop really needs to be transportable. Just gotta find what type of laptop I want to get!
I'm a bit bored of being adult and boring. I want to stay up all night with the boy that dominates my thoughts. I want to drink lots and walk home and sleep for ages and then miraculously not be hungover. I want to eat Chinese food. God, I want to eat wheat and carbs and shitty shitty take out food. But no. I have to be sensible, think about my job, and my parents, and my body, and my old and retarded fucking bowels.
But even when I'm living a boring life I still can't wake up in the morning.