I want to change so many things about my life right now, but I can't do them all at once, as it's far too much to change all at once, so I need to figure out which to do first, and its really hard to prioritise these things.
The first thing is my work load. I have two essays due in soon - one in 9 days, one in 14 days. And I have done so little of both of them, and I need to get on that. Like, pronto.
The second thing is exercise, and my lack-there-of. I haven't done any in so long. I never go to the gym at uni because most days I start too early to have the time, and by the time I've finished my day, I just want to go home. I also have to park really far away, in the opposite direction to the sportspark, so... yeah, I don't go. And equally, I always think 'I'll go for a run today' but I'm never home when it's light. Running in the dark seems like a bad idea / I just don't want to do that. So I bought myself a stepper and a crunch thing and some (light) dumbells, but.... they don't do much. Like, its not a work out. I need a running machine. Or a gym membership (but don't have the money for either). But I need to lose weight because I'm gaining weight like a bitch and my jeans are getting far too tight. And I can't afford to buy new jeans!
The third problem, you may have guessed, is money. I can't afford anything, and yet I keep having to buy things. Today, tuition for this month came out of my account. All my banks are now empty / fully overdrawn. The only money I have left in the world (not counting my credit card, as I don't believe they count as money anyway), is the £40 I got paid today, the £85 my mother owes me, the £30 chamaale owes from AGES ago and the £90 Milli owes me but probably won't be able to pay me for a while. After some quick maths I can tell you that the total (if I were to have it all) is £245. I have to buy Christmas presents, go on holiday to the netherlands, and afford January's tuition of £625... which lets face it, I'm not going to be able to do. Should I send another email to my sister trying to explain just how much I'm not 'coping'? Should I ask my mother if she can lend me the £1250 we agreed she'd pay me in May, early, and risk not being able to pay May and June's tuition? Should I get another job, work even harder, spend more time cleaning, and then realise that I've failed both my essays trying to get the money to pay for this master's degree that I'm failing?
Fucksickles.
Lastly, (and bottom of the priorities), I realised recently how much I miss being in a relationship. This is the longest time I've ever been single for (ignoring from age 0 to 15), and... well, I'm fine, its not like I'm some Bridget Jones case, but I've realised that I really enjoy being in relationships, and therefore don't have the time of day for anyone who wants any less than that. Not that there is anyone. Just... you know... I've given myself principles.
Hilariously, this blog is of course procrastination from doing essay work. Maybe I should 'suspend' my facebook account until I've finished the essays. Hmm...
Maybe I should dose myself up on redbull? Or maybe I should go to bed now, hit the books hard tomorrow? OH life is so difficult sometimes. If only I had a man like this singing to me: