Saturday 29 December 2012

Only the Strongest Will Survive

I will not be this person anymore.

I'm building foundations, I'm going to rip this person, this crap that I've become to shreds, and start again from the very beginning, do it all again.

You don't get a second chance at life, so you need to make this one count. And so far, it hasn't.


And in the new version of myself, I'm going to wreck some fucking havoc on my sisters. Let this be a caution to them: its on.


There's a theory I heard that every 7 years, your body is totally different, all new cells etc, as if you have changed bodies completely. I am two years into my body Mk4, and it's shit, so screw biology, I'll sort this out myself. I want to disappear, go off the grid, and come back like a raging bull.

Cue the exit music:


Sunday 16 December 2012

The Walls Came Tumbling Down

My first term, my first half of my Masters teaching period is now over. I have more assignments to do over the break, so I am not exactly 'running free', and as soon as we get back in January, it's full steam ahead until September. And that date looks like a tiny dot on the horizon right now.

For my module of Science Fiction in Film and Television, I had to do a presentation on Jericho, the post-apocalyptic TV show which started in 2006, only lasted a season and a quarter (CBS, or whoever it was, allowed them to finish off the story in 7 episodes). All things considered, it's a good show. The narrative is a bit mental, jumping from extreme terror plots to minor love stories, and at times it feels a bit like a soap, other times like a mild version of The Walking Dead, but all-in-all I enjoyed it and would recommend it to anyone interested in seeing how a TV show post-9/11 can capture the fear and isolation Americans felt about the stability of their own country and government. The actual plot of the apocalypse is very clever and intricate, and the characters in the town are all likeable, even if the dialogue is a bit questionable, and they gave the lead role to the guy who played Billy, mad boyfriend/murderer alongside Shaggy in Scream 1. (His name is Skeet Ulrich, he's a fucking weird looking guy, once-upon-a-time he looked a bit like Johnny Depp, but it would be hard to say that of him now).

I've also got into 2 Broke Girls recently. I don't really know why. It's likeable, it's comfortable, and unlike The Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother, it doesn't have this generic formula of how to be funny which it MUST abide by. Like, its not hilarious, but every now and then something will be funny because its totally unexpected, random or just sharp, and it does make you laugh. Speaking of HIMYM and BBT, you can feel in their writing the critics saying 'its not funny anymore'. You can feel them stretching out their characters, trying to milk them dry, exploiting Sheldon and Barney for what were once hilarious characters, which are now very predictable.

I haven't had much time to watch films, apart from Breaking Bad Part 2, which I have to say, is a bit weak, and a bit ridiculous, and really didn't do anything, it was mainly people standing around chatting, and the CGI of the werewolves looked somehow worse in this film, and yet I highly enjoyed the five minute fake-carnage which occurs just before the end. I even thought for half a second that we might see Edward die, and I was SO excited for that possibility, but alas, we did not, and the fake-clip reveals itself to be a flash-forward in Alice/Aro's mind of a possible future in which many people die, so Aro turns around and goes home and they all live happily ever after, the end. I've always disliked this ending; reading the books, which in fairness are not anywhere near as dire as the films, allowed this shoddy ending to resonate even more strongly. But I realised the other day why I hate it so much. We were talking in class about Genre, and what genre is / does. It's main impact is the audience's per-conceived notion of genre ie. if a film has Will Smith and guns in, you know its a hollywood action blockbuster, if there's no guns, its Hitch (or some other rom-com deal). So from the trailers and adverts you know what to expect when you sit down in the cinema, and you know the generic traits of that genre ie. western's have a good guy, a bad guy, a show down and a lot of horses and dust. Romance has a lot of love, tragedy has a bit of death, probably also love, comedy has anything but will hopefully make you laugh, fantasy has this, horror has that, so on and so forth. A film about vampires and werewolves and a human girl stuck in a love triangle with one of each of these gives the impression that there will be a fight. You think at least the two guys will fight over the girl. The vampires will fight the werewolves. The wolves might break into two pacts and fight each other. The vampires might have some really old leaders that live in italy called the Volturi whose sole purpose is to maintain the vampire's secrecy and they keep order in a brutal and bloody way, and when a human becomes a vampire with a little half-vampire baby and a werewolf falls in love with that baby, and the Volturi decide they need to step in and interfere, YOU EXPECT A FIGHT. All these things happen, and yet they never, ever so much as scratch each other. Fucking waste of muscle and teeth.

Also, I'm waiting to here from a certain writing organisation, and I'm getting really impatient. I keep telling myself to not think about it, but every time I remember how long it's been I think to myself 'no news is good news' and then I get hopeful. I don't want to be hopeful, because it's horrible having all of that hope shatter around you in one non-descript letter opening, so I'm very on-edge every time mum brings in the post. One day.... one day I will hear... if it's bad news, I won't post it though. I'll try not to even think about it, if I can.

Also also, I'm not feeling festive yet. Its scaring me, because I normally get ahead of myself completely, but I can't get into the mood yet. Maybe its because I have an essay to do still, maybe its because I haven't done any shopping whatsoever... or maybe I'm finally not a little kid that gets giddy at Christmas anymore.

Tuesday 4 December 2012

Decisions...

I want to change so many things about my life right now, but I can't do them all at once, as it's far too much to change all at once, so I need to figure out which to do first, and its really hard to prioritise these things.

The first thing is my work load. I have two essays due in soon - one in 9 days, one in 14 days. And I have done so little of both of them, and I need to get on that. Like, pronto.

The second thing is exercise, and my lack-there-of. I haven't done any in so long. I never go to the gym at uni because most days I start too early to have the time, and by the time I've finished my day, I just want to go home. I also have to park really far away, in the opposite direction to the sportspark, so... yeah, I don't go. And equally, I always think 'I'll go for a run today' but I'm never home when it's light. Running in the dark seems like a bad idea / I just don't want to do that. So I bought myself a stepper and a crunch thing and some (light) dumbells, but.... they don't do much. Like, its not a work out. I need a running machine. Or a gym membership (but don't have the money for either). But I need to lose weight because I'm gaining weight like a bitch and my jeans are getting far too tight. And I can't afford to buy new jeans!

The third problem, you may have guessed, is money. I can't afford anything, and yet I keep having to buy things. Today, tuition for this month came out of my account. All my banks are now empty / fully overdrawn. The only money I have left in the world (not counting my credit card, as I don't believe they count as money anyway), is the £40 I got paid today, the £85 my mother owes me, the £30 chamaale owes from AGES ago and the £90 Milli owes me but probably won't be able to pay me for a while. After some quick maths I can tell you that the total (if I were to have it all) is £245. I have to buy Christmas presents, go on holiday to the netherlands, and afford January's tuition of £625... which lets face it, I'm not going to be able to do. Should I send another email to my sister trying to explain just how much I'm not 'coping'? Should I ask my mother if she can lend me the £1250 we agreed she'd pay me in May, early, and risk not being able to pay May and June's tuition? Should I get another job, work even harder, spend more time cleaning, and then realise that I've failed both my essays trying to get the money to pay for this master's degree that I'm failing?

Fucksickles.

Lastly, (and bottom of the priorities), I realised recently how much I miss being in a relationship. This is the longest time I've ever been single for (ignoring from age 0 to 15), and... well, I'm fine, its not like I'm some Bridget Jones case, but I've realised that I really enjoy being in relationships, and therefore don't have the time of day for anyone who wants any less than that. Not that there is anyone. Just... you know... I've given myself principles.

Hilariously, this blog is of course procrastination from doing essay work. Maybe I should 'suspend' my facebook account until I've finished the essays. Hmm...

Maybe I should dose myself up on redbull? Or maybe I should go to bed now, hit the books hard tomorrow? OH life is so difficult sometimes. If only I had a man like this singing to me:

Saturday 1 December 2012

Pubs vs Seasons

People always have that notion of 'summer is the best time for going to the pub', as if pub's cease to exist in the other seasons / just can't accommodate for any weather apart from sunshine. This may be a fair assumption if all the pubs you know are 'city pubs', ie during the summer put tables and chairs out on pavements / on roof terraces and go bananas. Country pubs, or even town pubs, have a whole different set-up. Town pubs generally have beer gardens, and during the summer, it's like a fight for seats. I have, many times, been known to sit on people's laps because there were no more chairs. Of course, you have to know the person / be smaller than the person you are sitting on. Otherwise things get awkward.

In the winter, however, all the local pubs round here have this different feeling. Like, instead of smelling cider and fruity things, you smell mulled wine and pints of heavy ales and stouts. And the kitchens (they all have kitchens) are cooking vegetables, and pies, and lots of meat, instead of baguettes and burgers in the summer (which either don't smell or stink) - the whole pub is taken over by this mouth-watering smell of onions and beef, pastry, steamed vegetables and crispy potatoes. You didn't even think you were hungry and suddenly you're salivating, impatient for a nice roast meal. Such a great way to get bums on seats.

Of course, Christmas changes pubs, but not in the tacky way it changes city pubs. They'll put up some holly, or get a small (real) tree, or whatever, which will add to the smell. They might but up some decor, but not much. And most of the pubs have no music, or that that they do have is so quiet you don't notice it, so you don't have Slade, Wet Wet Wet and Wham! shoved down your ear holes every second of the day.

Last night, for the first time in over a month, I went to the pub, and I had some shandies, (not too many), and we walked through Bungay in the freezing cold to the kebaby, where Ben and Luke got some foul looking food, and we walked to Ben's, sat in the warm kitchen, on the new sofas, Luke and I had a weird drink (concoction of Morgan's Spiced and Caribbean Juice) and all night we just chatted, laughed, tried to recount all 150 original pokemon (aided by three other drunk guys who got into massive arguments about whether or not Onyx evolves), failed / gave up at 80 and tried to google them, but to do so I had to stand just outside the pub doors, because signal is just that bad; all in all it was such a chilled, lovely evening. It was pub-in-winter, which is actually the most warming thing. Being out in the freezing cold and huddling by a bar, in the warm, near a blazing fire, with all the other town drunks laughing merrily around you, is such a warming sensation.

I'm really fancying a pub roast now, but its a Saturday, so will just have to wait 'til tomorrow.

So, for those of you cynics who think every pub is like a Weatherspoons, and every winter is for staying indoors - I urge you to go out and embrace the Winter Pub. Its a fail-safe way of getting you in the mood for the festive season!

Happy December everyone!