Saint Valentine's Day. I have the typical single person's response of "its so materialistic, consumerist bullshit invented by Hallmark blah blah negativity misery blah". But honestly, most holidays are. I've yet to see the money-making potential of St George's Day, but it will no doubt happen. Every 'day' that is a national known thing - Christmas, New Years, Shrove Tuesday, Easter Friday / Sunday / Monday, Mother's, Father's, St George's, St Patrick's, Valentine's, Halloween, Guy Fawkes'... I'm sure there's more, just can't think of them... They are all consumer driven, profit driven, just another day to make money, but at least you can smile and enjoy the day too.
So I don't want this to be an anti-Valentine's day rant. I know that if I were in a relationship, I'd have celebrated it in some way. I know that last year and the year before, I enjoyed it. I can't remember 2010... I remember 2009 and it was pretty shocking, despite being in a relationship (shudder). But honestly, if you have someone to enjoy it with, if you have someone to tell that you love, it's a good thing. Sharing love and smiles is always good, no matter what the price tag.
So, last night after my shift at the pub finished, I drove home from Norwich very speedily as I was aiming to get to the Dragon before last orders was called, but then I spoke to the person I was planning on seeing, and it turns out he's not at the pub. He's at home, lying on his floor, ill, possibly crying, going through the motions of realising what actually happened to him two days prior: his girlfriend had broken up with him. He was alone, and ill, and felt like shit. So I said I'd go see him. I could have gone to the Dragon, where all his friends were out, expecting him, and had a few bevvies. But no, I manned up to the role of Best Friend (female) (- his male best friend had already spoken to him, but didn't seem to say any of the right things -) and went to his house at 11.30pm, chatted briefly to his father, sat down with non-alcoholic beverages and chatted. I didn't even say much. I asked him what had happened, if she'd told him why. And he just opened like a book, like he always has done, and through talking about, realised how he actually felt: he knew he had done shit wrong, but he didn't know why. He knew she had reason to break up with him, he just didn't see it coming at all.
And as he discovered these things, I tried to keep myself detached from the situation, as truth be told, the girlfriend had been asking for my advice for months about their situation. Calling me in the middle of the day complaining about him, unable to figure out what to do about the boy she loved but drove her insane, and I gave her every piece of advice I had through my extensive knowledge of breaking hearts and dealing with the consequences of that; most of what I said seemed to pass straight through her ears. Her mother and sister had been saying the same things as me, but obviously all our advice was not being heard.
I am still friends with both of them, as I refuse to 'take sides'. Ben wants me too: he wants me to pick him and 'dump' her, but I have to remember that he didn't pick sides when his two best friends broke up.
I felt useful last night. I listened, I helped him through his thoughts and made him smile for the first time all day. We had a drink and watched the BAFTAs together, and I left his house at 3.30 in the morning, hoping he'd go straight to bed from being so sleepy, and not laying on his floor crying about his abandoned heart.
Some people don't know how or why we are friends, and more people don't get him, his humour, or his way of life. But I have never questioned our relationship, because I know that every now and then, we truly need each other. He's my oldest, closest and cruelest friend, he makes me smile and I love him with all my heart, and as much as I will remain friendly with Jasmine, I can't promise her that I'll ever be closer to her, or anyone else, than I am with him, because we are like brother and sister, as if blood or family connects us together, knowing each other so well that sometimes words aren't needed, and sometimes there aren't enough words; there's 23 years of history between us and we've never actually fallen out.
Today, I have reason to be here, to be in Norfolk: last time he was heartbroken I wasn't here, but this time I am, and I will help him as much as I can. Today, if nothing else, I know that my life and Ben's life are connected: our fates are entwined in some way.