… everyone we know.
Something ended today. I'm a little sad, but have had lots of time to accept and prepare for this moment, so my lightly beating heart could read all of what it needed to today.
I want to tell our stories.
At the latest reunion, everything felt a little different. Like the piece of string that holds us all together was pulled taught, under strain, and the knots and frays were slightly more visible.
It's always a moment, at one in the morning, when I think about the end game. How do I want that night to end, and where, in the distant future, do I see all this going?
The problem with the How I Met Your Mother finale is that Robyn and Ted aren't supposed to end up together. We got told that in series 1. So my reflections of TV in real life have to be portrayed as 'how TV should be'. We don't end up with the girl we saw from across the bar and had to speak to right away and didn't stop giving up after 50 fucking years.
But we do all remain friends. And I love my friends, and I love seeing my friends, and sometimes I wish I could put life on hold and pretend like we're all still at uni and play inflataBall and just drop everything.
My life doesn't stop. Neither does theirs. Macina and Emily, Will, Nathan, Al. Sophie, Martin, Paul. Coates. Matt and Danni. Maria. Jesus, Maria's life doesn't stop. And our worlds keep turning whether we're in the gravity of one another or not. It's hectic and crazy, and the brief moments when we can see each other are usually equally hectic and crazy. The peaceful thought is that one day, we'll all be settled in to our lives, and we'll have partners and rings and babies and weird other grown up things. And we'll be able to afford hotels and not have to endure Al's snoring. And that's the end game for me. Getting there; having those friends from uni, from high school, and from now. I've just got to get there.
I also want to remind someone of a pact we made in a train station on one of the most heartbreaking days of my life. We will sit down, in a year, in ten years, I don't know. We'll sit down and drink tea, eat custard creams, laugh at me polishing grapes. And christ, will we have a lot to talk about. That's our end game.
Hopefully he'll return soon, but at the moment I'm missing a friend. Jen took my Number One away because she's bizarre and doesn't trust him with anyone and potentially cut off his balls and his them in her handbag. And I hate it, because I miss him.
I just hope that he's the only one I lose. I could understand another girl having issue with me, but I equally hope that there is enough trust and enough knowledge of all our lives together to know that these friendships are golden.
I'm just hoping that I can escape in May.