Everything feels big, climactic, important at the moment. I have the weight of the world on my shoulders, but for all the wrong reasons. I can sense a lot is coming, changing, happening soon. I guess I'm just holding up what I can hold up to lessen the impact for others. Something is going to rock all our boats soon; and I think I know what it might be.
Hungover again today. Questioning the point of poisoning myself. Its nice to feel numb, but it hurts so much that its not really worth it.
I have decided some things about boys. I have to prove to them who I am, and I have to prove to myself who I'm not. He might take me seriously then.
Lots of shit in my head. Lots of thoughts about myself when I was 13. Lots to keep my mind busy.
And yet, my brain drifts, and I lose all the control I ever had.
The more I picture it, I tell myself, the more likely it is to come true. To picture your hopes and goals is to be closer to obtaining them. But to imagine yourself in certain scenarios all the time and then have to snap back to the reality of sitting at least three feet from each other, is a little more like torment.
Something will happen soon. I can feel it brewing,