I've had a lot of happy blogs recently. This is because I am more aware of the anger within me than ever, as I can't get past it. And it's ripping my heart up slowly but surely, but I'm still going to concentrate on the love in my life, because nothing constructive comes from dwelling on the shitty feelings we get.
I've also started to wonder exactly who reads this blog. I've never made it private because I'm not secretive about the things I write here: most of the things I write are things I have tried but failed to say to people in the past anyway.
I don't want to dwell. Now is the time to look forward, and to move forward. I think it's a shame to have to say goodbye all the time, but I think I'm finally okay with it. I have accepted that I need to leave. This city has been beautiful, understanding and a total haven for me, but it's also full of my demons, and I'm now weaponless, bleeding and falling, so I can't possibly fight back: my only choice is to run away.
I think I'm stronger now than I used to be. I think I can deal with some weird shit with a least a smidgen of dignity. I also think I've figured out who I am, who my true friends are, and what I want from life.
I hope that other people can find these things too. I know that I don't seem genuine sometimes, but at the end of May, the one thing I'll hope for, for all of my 'acquaintances', is that their lives are richer from this experience we've shared.
And now, I feel exhausted.