I had a dream about you again. Whenever it used to happen, I would wake up feeling guilty. I'd wake up with this weight in my heart, and it felt horrible, and I couldn't shake it for so long. But last night was different. Last night, in my dream, I knew I had something good inside me, and a happiness about us that I wanted you to know about. I didn't want us to be awkward or weird any more - I wanted it to be the way it used to be. I wanted to give you the present I'm actually making in real life, and I wanted to ask you to forgive me, because I know I did some stupid things, and tell you that I don't want to dwell on what once happened anymore, to focus on the fact that we were once so close, and that could still be the case. I wanted to tell you that I missed those moments, those long days we had together, we'd laugh about the smallest thing for hours, we'd just sit and eat and watch whatever program we were into, drink wine and giggle endlessly. I know that things changed when you moved house, but I genuinely believe that no one person is to blame for what went wrong, it was just an inevitable shift in our lives. I wanted to hold your hand and play with your nails, to play with your hair, to pull funny faces and show you my massive belly and just feel that closeness again. I miss it. I miss you.
You were right. I do need some time to be single, and to figure out things about myself I've never had to before. I'm doing it now, Soph, because I know you were right, and I want to be me again - the me that you could tell everything in the world too, and not the me that you ignored in the classroom.
I'm changing, and I feel it, but I have no idea what into. Either way, I want to say thank you. You'll get your present soon. I just need to remember your address first.