I'm stuck in this house today. I feel trapped. I have a vehicle, so I can leave at any point, but the problem is that I don't have anywhere to go.
I am the only person in the house that ever goes food shopping, and because mother hasn't paid me and my bank balance is getting low, I can't afford to do a food shop (and am kind of on strike, to see how long it takes until someone else does it), so there is no food in the house. This makes my Dad happy because he believes he's losing weight from not eating dinner, and it makes my Mum seem to not care, instead have a dinner of toast and 'bar food' (be that peanuts or a pie, I don't know). However, my lack of money means I cannot leave to buy food from such a place. My Dad just handed over £50 sympathy notes because Mum can't pay me because of 'cash flow'. But still, this house is useless. It contains no food, no family, no support system or care, no shoulder to cry on or company to watch a film with. We only ever talk about the business, we watch Pointless and Eggheads every dinner time, they both drink as soon as they're in the door and my 'study' has turned into the place I can hide away all day. This isn't supposed to be my recluse, it's supposed to help inspire and get me focused.
This house sucks all my life out of me.
I'm going to have a bowl of cereal for dinner, and continue watching the Secret Diaries of a Call Girl. I'll probably finish it tonight - that's four series in two days. New record?
And worst of all? The Howarths have said I can go and live there, I can escape this place and get my life together. But first, I have to talk to Mum and Dad. My whole life I've avoided these types of conversations. But I have to do it; I have to get out; I must get my life back. This is no way to live.