Firstly, I know that I have already quoted this song, but I feel it's apt, and I love it.
Secondly, I feel like a lot of things happen at specific times for a reason. Nathan's newest blog is so similar to what I was thinking about two days ago: how you can't escape the people and problems from your past. You can get over it yourself, work through your problems, move on physically, emotionally and sometimes geographically, but if you bump into a person who knew you whilst you were at your ultimate worst, you cannot close your eyes and run away anymore. A lot of things happened to me in high school, or at least whilst I was supposed to be attending high school, and for some reason there is something locked in my psyche which I have not processed, and I cannot for the life of me think of what it might be, but it affects my dreams: 90% of the dreams I have are set in some part of my old school, or some version of it. It's weird. I even have dreams about university, people from university, the classes with the lectures and all, set in high school. It makes no sense. I wonder if a shrink would be able to help me with this, if it's just a glitch in my head that will never go away. I hope it does go away. It's really frustrating having the past chase me in my own head.
Thirdly, I'm getting urges to write episode three of Impressions. I have no idea what to do with it, as all my ideas are half-formed, not quite fitting, and kind of like when you have one piece left to put in a jigsaw, and you literally force the edges to go in, despite the picture not being correct. Watching The Fades made me want to write it more, as I know exactly what I want from it, as a concept and as a piece of art, and seeing something which is similar to my own creation but sort of hap-hazard and imperfect really frustrates my passions for the project. So, as of tomorrow, my creative fuel is in the Impressions engine... hopefully I'll get somewhere, and not just stall!
Fourth thing, and final: One person has been frequenting my dreams for the last month or so. They won't go away, and I don't know if this is good or bad. I miss them, and maybe this is my way of holding on to them. Or maybe my head is telling me to talk to them, to confront the issues - or worse, my head is telling me to get over the issues and move on. I'm in a state of limbo: Sat on my fence, with two rather bleak looking views either side of me, I really don't know what to do, but the longer I sit on the fence, the more frequently said visitor enters my dreams. Is inaction causing the problem to grow? Or is this all a trick of my mind, fucking with me slowly as I flip my metaphorical coin over and over, hoping that it lands on it's side as neither face holds any hope right now.
I know that two people will understand this last paragraph, and unfortunately, unless you have access to my dreams, it will be lost on most. Sorry if confusion has occurred, but I am in need of advice, particularly from anyone experienced in the art of self-sacrifice.