I keep having these bizarre sensations, as if I'm being stabbed. I feel this knot in my chest, between my lungs, and it gets really tight. It feels like I might be winded, but it's not a physical problem, as it's all in my head. My brain is creating these weird feelings of pain whenever I make a small decision. I think it might be to do with the worry of making wrong decisions, but today it happened for the smallest reason - deciding whether to clean the bathroom first, or bedroom first. I can't stop my body reacting to my life in this way, but I know that all these signs at the moment, my constant state of anger at the world, my negativity, the way that every one at work seems to be wound up in negative emotions too - this all points to the inevitable quitting of my job, and leaving this city, and finding my life completely up-rooted and moved and gone and my feet fall somewhere else and I build a home again. But all of that hinges on me finding a job, a very attractive job, so that I know where to pack for, and when, and then I can give my two week's notice. But at the moment, with these bizarre chest pains occurring, energy and motivation lacking, and my general hope for life being minimal, seeking out this job is a challenge.
I'm trapped in a circle that only I can get myself out of, and I know this, I just can't jump out. You know those rides at fairgrounds that spin you round so fast that lifting your head off the deflated and greasy cushion is really hard? Yeah, I'm on one of those. I just hope the man operating it will slow me down soon.